- Let your feelings flow. Don't hold back or censor yourself in any way. And don't worry about spellings or punctuation or grammar. All that matters is that you say everything you want to say.
- Let yourself get angry. Spill all of your anger and hurt on to the page.
- Then, when you feel like you've got all of your painful emotions out, start to focus on the more positive.
- In what ways have your experiences of being bullied allowed you to become a better and stronger person?
- Then finally, write that you forgive your bully.
The power of forgiveness
The whole forgiveness thing might seem a bit odd - why should you forgive the person whose been making your life hell?
But the truth is, forgiveness is the most powerful weapon you have.
If you can forgive your bully you free yourself from anger and a downward spiral of negative emotions.
Not forgiving your bully is like drinking poison and hoping that they will die.
You're the one left feeling crap while they're busy getting on with their life.
Finally, if someone who is being a bully reads your words, it may make them think twice about doing it again.
Forgiveness is that powerful.
If you've been bullied in the past
If you've been bullied in the past we'd love you to write a Dear Bully letter too.
- Use your letter to express any pent up anger you still might be feeling.
- Then tell your bully everything you learnt from the experience and the inner strength you developed because of it.
- Think of how your words might inspire and give hope to anyone reading your letter who is currently being bullied.
Example Letter
Here's a Dear Bully letter we were sent by the musician Nate Maingard:
No names
Here's a Dear Bully letter we were sent by the musician Nate Maingard:
Dear Bullies
I remember you so much better than I imagine that you remember me. I wonder if you ever knew how your casual aggression and petty meanness were indecipherable languages to me.
I remember when you locked me in a school locker. You thought you were so funny and clever, while the entire time I remained calm, knowing that you had to let me out, knowing that there was no point to your exercise...but unable to conceive of why you found the act entertaining.
I remember the time you had kicked a ball up onto the school roof. I offered to climb up and get it for you because I was small and knew I could get up the drain without breaking it. I climbed up and threw the ball to you. As I climbed back down you grabbed me by my trousers and paraded me around in front of your friends, laughing as you gave me a wedgie. That moment was when I knew we had an entirely different way of approaching reality. That you could humiliate someone who had offered to assist you was completely alien to my understanding of the world.
I remember the time you wanted so much to irritate me. My papa always said to ignore you, so I did. I ignored you until you spat in my ear. You were so desperate for my attention that you would resort to any means necessary. I know now that you must have been so trapped in your own wounds, hurting from the lack of love, or the abuse, or whatever hurts were being perpetrated against you by those who had power over you. I know that now and I am sorry for you.
I remember the time I almost punched you. You said you wanted to see which of us was taller, so we stood back to back. You pulled my trousers down in front of a bus full of people and I snapped. I snapped because I had trusted you, I had thought you were being kind, that you wanted to play with me, wanted to be my friend. I snapped because you had broken something sacred. I chased you across the bus and leapt onto you as you cowered in your seat. I raised my fist...and then I paused. Looking down at your scared face staring up at me, I knew I couldn't hit you. I realised then that I will never physically attack someone for my own sake.
I remember the time I did punch you...when you held my little brother against a wall. I told you to leave him alone and you punched him. There was no moment of pause between your action and mine; I pummelled you into the ground until your friends arrived and you all kicked me to the earth which moments before I had thrown you onto. I am still proud of my reaction in that moment.
And so Bullies, I want to thank you for everything you taught me and showed me about myself:
Thank you for showing me that I will never intentionally harm another, for my own entertainment or for any other reason.
Thank you for showing me that I will always honour those who assist me when I am in need.
Thank you for teaching me to be careful that my own life wounds do not prompt me to wound others.
Thank you for teaching me that it is in my nature to always choose peace over violence.
Thank you for teaching me that when push comes to shove I will defend the things I love with every ounce of life within me.
Dear Bullies, I hope that you found what you were looking for, and that your own wounds have become the fires that guided you into your adulthood.
With love
the man you helped to mould
No names
We don't want you to name anyone in your Dear Bully letter.
By keeping it anonymous it gives you the freedom and confidence to write exactly what you want.
Contact email
When you've finished your letter, please email it to us at:
dearbullyletters[AT]gmail[DOT]com
